Footsteps
by javajunkee
Summary: LL. set after the most recent episode. Spoilerish. Lorelai confronts Luke and gives him a ultimatum. What will happen? oneshot


A/n: Ok. So this fic is kinda spoilery but not really because no one knows how its gonna turn out so its my own version of what I hope will happen. I am going into rant mode now because I need to fume so before I do that I am going to say that I don't own this show or anything about it. I am very angry. You see I have put my trust in ASP and her story line for six years. Yup that's a long time. And I have trusted her through everything, because its such a good show, with good characters and a deep story. No one could have created the LL relationship like she did. Or the LR relationship. Or any of the relationships, its genius. So I have trusted her and stuck by her side through the four friggin years it took for LL to get together, through the first breakup, and through the sucky episodes for the past season where everything is falling apart. But now? Im pissed because shes leaving next year. I feel like shes ruining everything in the show and just leaving! I hope that the new person will fix everything and make it all better because it makes me so mad and its actually painful watching the show. It should never be that painful. AHHHH. Ok rant over. Im sorry for such a long a/n but I needed to get that out and ur probably not reading this anyway because your reading the ff. so ill stop now.

Thanks for reading and PLEASE review PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! IM not going to bribe you like some people do because it makes me mad but I would really like to get feedback it would make me so happy Ok read now and review later.

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Lorelai was sitting in her room. She had just gotten back from Friday night dinner at her parent's house. That was fun. Lorelai thought sarcastically. She laid down on her bed staring up at the ceiling, thinking about everything that had gone on at dinner and her head started to spin. The last couple of months she had been digging herself into a hole. She had always been one to voice her opinions, she was stubborn and headstrong. What was going on?

She was letting a man hurt her. Over and over again. When did that happen? When had he started hurting her and when did she start to let it happen? When I fell in love. She reminded herself. She wiped a tear off her cheek. Luke didn't mean to hurt her, he never would. He was probably the best guy in the whole world. They had been great together, after so many years of being friends and setting the base for a real relationship, a very very strong base, they had finally admitted to themselves how they felt. When Luke kissed her the first time she had never felt such passion or love in her entire life. She knew right there that she loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but she wouldn't say it out loud. Is that what drove him away?

Lorelai fell into her habit of always blaming herself when guys hurt her. She never told Luke that she loved him. She thought that maybe if he knew things would be different. She shook off the thought. He knows I love him. He knows he always knows what I'm thinking and how I feel, so why doesn't he know that he's hurting me? She was going to do it. She was going to stop pretending stop lying to Luke and faking that everything was ok. She was Hurt. And she would let him know it. The door downstairs opened and closed and Lorelai sat up wiping tears out of her eyes.

"Lorelai, Are you here?" Luke asked from downstairs.

"Up here." Lorelai made out. Her stomach started twisting and she was nervous about what she was about to do. What if he left her? She couldn't even think about it. She wouldn't be able to live, to breathe. He was her life, her heart, her coffee, her oxygen. She needed him but she couldn't keep living the way that she was. Footsteps came up the stairs. The footsteps that for so long had warmed her heart and protected her now not holding the same powers. Footsteps that now seemed empty and fake. She sighed as the door to her room squeaked open. Now or never. She thought.  
-  
( flashback)

Lorelai and Chris were standing in front of the Gilmore's front door.

"Why are we here again?" Lorelai asked Chris.

"Come on we have to go in sooner or later." Chris said.

" 'well I have not seen Christopher for a long time and I would like to discuss something with him' blah blah blah" Lorelai mimicked her mother. "What does she want to discuss with you? And why does it have to be a night when Rory can't come to dinner? Less distraction from my abomination of a life is bad. Very very bad." She said.

Chris reached his hand forward to the doorbell and Lorelai smacked it away but it was too late. She gasped in surprise and the door opened as she gave him an evil glare. He smirked.

"Lorelai where have you two been we have been waiting for you for over fifteen minutes!" Emily said bringing them inside.

"Mom! What's wrong with you? Calm down" Lorelai said squirming to get out of her mother's grip.

Emily had a grin plastered to her face. Why was she so happy? She led them into the house and a pretty woman was sitting on the couch. She had light brown hair and hazel green eyes. She stood up when they entered.

"Hi." She said. "I'm Ashley." She said hopefully.

"This is Christopher Hayden," Emily said introducing him. "Chris this is Ashley Ferguson, of The Fergusons." She said still smiling. "I thought you two would get along." She said. She whispered to Chris and Lorelai, "Just went through a painful divorce, got all the money, it was great. Finally ready to get out there again." She said nudging Chris. Lorelai looked at her mother unbelievably, she was setting them up!

Chris finally got what was going on and excused himself. He made his way towards the door. "Christopher!" Emily said following him.

"I'm sorry Emily. I have to go." Chris said.

"Chris I did this for you! You need to give that daughter of yours a mother and since Lorelai is obviously not going to be the one I thought you could use some help." Emily said in disbelief.

"Thank you Emily." He said politely. "And she seems great, she really does. But I can't do this. And when I'm ready to, I will be the one to do it." He left and slammed the door. Lorelai stood listening to the interaction. The girl in front of her looked scared and upset.

Lorelai assured her it wasn't because of her.

"Mom what was that?" She asked.

"Chris needs a wife Lorelai. His daughter needs a mother!" She yelled.

"God Mom! This was low. You could have at least warned him." Lorelai said back.

"He's still hung up on you Lorelai. He needs to move on because you obviously have!" Emily started to explain.

"No mom. That wasn't your choice to make." She grabbed her coat and walked out the door. She went to Chris' car.

"Hey." He said.  
"Hi. Are you ok?" She asked him.

"Yeah I just have to get out of here. Do you mind? I have to go home to Gigi." He said.

"Yeah no problem. I'll get a cab." She said smiling slightly.

"Thanks." He said. She nodded as he pulled out of the driveway. She pulled out her cellphone and started to think of the number for the cab company she could never remember. The door to the house opened and Ashley stepped outside.

"Hey." She said to Lorelai.

"Hi. Do you happen to know the number for a cab company?" Lorelai asked her helplessly.

"Um no. But I can give you a ride. Where are you going?" She asked.

"Stars Hollow?" Lorelai asked.

"Im headed that way. Get in." She said motioning to the small BMW parked in the driveway. Lorelai nodded in gratefulness and followed her to the car. As she got inside her phone started to ring.  
"Hello?" She answered buckling her seat belt. Ashley listened not trying to be too rude.  
"Hey." Luke responded from the other line. " You won't believe what happened today!" Luke said.  
"Hmm?" Lorelai answered masking her pain that she was not with him right now.  
"April called me dad." He whispered.  
"Oh!" She said in shock. "Congradulations! She must really like you." She said quietly forcing herself to be happy for him.  
"Yeah I know. Anyway the bus is in a little traffic so I'll be home later tonight than I thought." He said.  
"Oh." Lorelai responded.  
"So I'll see you then?" He asked.  
"Yeah." She said.  
"Lorelai?" Luke asked.  
"Hmm"  
"I miss you"  
"yeah. You too." She said. She hung up her phone. A tear escaped from her eye but she quickly brushed it away.  
"Who was that?" Ashley asked trying to make conversation.  
"Luke" She said. "My fiancé." she explained.  
"You don't sound so happy." Ashley noted. Weren't you supposed to be happy when you were getting married?  
"Long story." Lorelai said. Why did this woman she didn't even know care?  
"We've got time." Ashley said concentrating on the road.  
Lorelai let it out. She told Ashley everything that she was feeling. Her whole relationship with Luke, Her relationship with Chris and Rory. Everything. She told her how she had been feeling, about Luke, her doubts and worries about their wedding. She hadn't talked so much about anything to anyone in a long time. And she felt like Ashley really cared. She didn't even realize how long they had been sitting in the car, parked on her driveway in stars hollow when Ashley started to talk.  
"I have been telling you this since we left Hartford Lorelai. You shouldn't be telling me this, you have to talk to Luke! He seems like he cares about you so much, and he has Loved you for years. This won't change anything. Things are just getting tough, you have to learn how to work through these things together." Ashley said.  
"I know. But what if he's changed his mind. What if he doesn't want to marry me?" She asked.  
"Of course he does. From what you've told me he really loves you. Nothing will ever change that. And even if for some insanse reason it has, can you really live like this anymore?" Ashley asked.  
"No." Lorelai stated.  
"Then you have to tell him." Ashley announced.  
"I know." Lorelai said. "I have to…" She said. Ashley was staring at her. "I'm usually not like this. I'm usually funnier. And happier. And I usually don't tell complete strangers about my depressing life." She said apologetically. Ashley reacted.  
"Hey. Strangers? I don't think we can officially call ourselves that anymore." Ashley said.  
"Right. Thank you." Lorelai told her. "For everything"  
Ashley nodded. "Here's my number. Let me know how it works out." Lorelai nodded and got out of the car. She walked into her house afraid of what was to come.  
-  
"Lorelai?" Luke asked as he opened the door and saw her sitting on the bed. He did not recognize the eyes staring back at him. They were cold. Luke's face dropped. "We need to talk." Lorelai said without emotion. She was scared. Luke recognized this and went to her side. His fingers found their way to hers but she took her hand away. Luke searched her face for some sign of familiarity but none was there.

"What is it? What happened?" He asked her. Now he was scared also. His heart pounded as she stood up. She went over to her dresser and picked up and object. She walked over to Luke and handed it to him. It was a picture frame. He looked at the picture he had seen so many times before. It was about nine years old. Lorelai was sitting on the steps of the Gazebo, Luke was next to her and a twelve year old Rory was on the step beneath them. All smiling happily almost mocking the life she now had. Luke looked confused but she looked at him expectantly so he responded.

"The annual basket bidding. That was the first crazy town event you got me to go to. Kirk was the hired photographer and insisted he took a picture of us. I was so nervous. I figured you'd keep the picture and if I looked bad in it you would always think of me that way. He had me sitting so close to you." Luke recalled, his voice getting warmer as he spoke. He looked from the picture to Lorelai hoping he could recognize her again but he could not. "I could feel my heart beating through my chest. I was sweating. I couldn't breathe. Every time your thigh touched mine, my whole body went numb. I couldn't think, let alone speak, so I just sat there dumbfounded. It felt like it took three hours." He said. He searched her eyes again. They seemed to have lost some of the coldness that was there before.

"It probably did." She said softly with a hint of humor. " Kirk was the one taking it." He let out a breath. She was coming back.

"Lorelai what is it? You look so…sad." He said.

"It's us Luke." She started. He was lost again. "I have been feeling like this for such a long time." She said.

"Like what?" He asked.

"Hurt. Scared. Lonely." She said. It hit him hard. She paced the room and then stopped and sat next to him again. She crossed her legs and sat to face him. She Looked right into his eyes hoping that he could see the hurt that he had caused. "You have cut me out Luke, whether you meant to or not. At the risk of something happening tonight that I don't want to I have to tell you how I'm feeling. We had something great. Something amazing. I wanted more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you, to grow old with you, have your children and raise them with you." She went on.

"Wanted?" He whispered fearfully.

"Shh." She shushed him lightly. "And then I walked into your diner one day and there was April. This cute little girl that called you dad. I don't blame her Luke, I never will. Although it hurt me a little because I wanted to be the one to have your children, to make you a dad." She went on and Luke sat staring at her looking confused. "But it was before I found out about her. You were distant and cold. We spent less time together. I didn't feel like you wanted me anymore." Luke's eyes widened. "And then I found out about her and while it started to make sense, it hurt. You lied to me and left me out of something so huge and important. Something that was supposed to be wonderful. You hurt me Luke, because I could tell you anything and everything. You made me feel like shit for not telling you every time Chris even talked to me, and yet you find out you have a daughter and you don't even tell me. For two months Luke!" Her voice started to get angrier and she got off of the bed again.

"Lorelai I-" Luke started but he was interrupted.

"No. I know. We've been through this. And I get it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Why? Why weren't you trusting me? We were getting married! We were supposed to do everything together and be completely and madly in love. But I understood! And I forgave you. For that. Then you started talking about how everything was too hard to deal with. I'm sorry that our relationship caused you so much stress! That our wedding was something that you had to deal with. God Luke, it was never like that for me. I was excited and happy that we could finally take that last step and fully commit ourselves to each other. You knew me better than anyone in the world. I always had trouble with commitment. Always afraid that I would get hurt. But with you… I trusted you with my heart. With my whole heart and my whole life. And you tore it apart." She whispered. Tears were streaming down her face.

"Lorelai." He said getting up from the bed walking over to her.

"No Luke. Not again. I can't do it anymore. You have kept me out of a giant part of your life, a life I was commiting myself to. I wanted you Luke, all of you. Not half of you, not a part of you. You. One hundred Percent. I am all in luke! Remember that. That's what you told me. And I know you have April and you need to spend time with her and bond with her and I get that and encourage it, but whats wrong with me being a part of that too?" She yelled now crying harder. She hugged herself.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea-" Luke said in disbelief, his own eyes now tearing at the thought of hurting the woman he loved more that anything in the world so much.

"I know. I know you didn't know what you were doing to me and that's what got me the most. You told me you loved me and I knew you did. You always knew everything about me, even when we were friends you knew how I was feeling all of the time and always knew how to make it better. From day one I have shared with you a part of me that I never share with anyone, you have seen me more hurt and weak and sad than anyone in the world. You were my rock. The one thing that never faltered. You were always there for me. And you hurt me and had no idea. What happened to us?" She asked him sincerely tears falling from her face, tears that she didn't even know she had anymore.

He looked at her, his own face wet with tears. What had happened? He had shut her out, she was right. He got the one thing he wanted more that anything else in the world and look what he had done to her. "Oh my god." He let out. What had he done? He stepped forward and took the crying Lorelai in his arms. The woman who had been so strong was now limp in his arms. He held her tight and she wrapped her arms around his back, their bodies pressing together with everything they had. Lorelai cried into his arms and he rubbed her back with his hand, tears running down his own face. "I'm so sorry." He whispered over and over. She stepped back and looked into his eyes. Afraid of the words about to come out of her mouth.

"I know. But I can't do this anymore. You have to make a choice. Do you want this Luke? Do you really want this? Your in or your out, that's it. Either you marry me on June third." She said, crying even harder than before. "Or this." She said motioning between their bodies. "Is over." Luke took a step backward and looked at the woman standing in front of him.  
-  
a/n- Ok before you all kill me, this is a LL, so it will be good trust me. My other fic I think im pretty much done with but ya never know. Im committing myself to this one for right now. I hope you liked it. Please please please review. I know that its sad and depressing but ASP dug us into this hole and im just trying to get us out of it and that has to start with Lorelai telling luke how she feels. So bear with me. Please review! Im thinking of making this a longer fic than my other ones, with more chapters and longer chapters so im excited are you? Ill try to post the next chapter quickly so your not depressed for to long so be happy because it will work out for them! In my story anyway. Ok now review! Please. I don't care how cheesy or short it is just do it. Thank you so much. Review! 


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